Through the Storm
by Believe78
Summary: A snowstorm forces Alicia and Peter to spend time together. Will they put it to good use and clear the air?
1. Chapter 1

This is what I come up with after defrosting my car on a Monday morning and listening to too many love songs ;) My first FF in English so, please cut me some slack :)

Thanks go to Steffili for beta reading this :)

I do not own The Good Wife :(

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** Through the Storm**

"We made it!" Peter stopped the car in his driveway and took the key out of the ignition. He turned to look at Alicia, whose gaze was on her own car standing next to them, covered with five inches of snow at least. She could even see a layer of ice beneath it.

"Come on, let's get out of the car and into the house." Peter opened the door and a gust of wind immediately pushed thick snowflakes inside. It had been crazy to drive back in this weather from Rockford and it had taken them nearly 4 hours to cover the 80 miles. She shook her head at herself for wanting to drive home in this weather. However, she had not wanted to spend another night away from home, so Peter had finally given in and rented a car to get her home. Eli and the driver of the campaign-bus had stayed behind, telling them more than once to do the same.

"Don't even think about it!" Peter's voice yanked her out of her thoughts. He was holding the door open for her to get out of the car. He had taken their bags out of the trunk and even though it had only taken a minute, his coat and hair were covered thickly with fresh snow. He looked tired, having driven the whole way by himself through the snowstorm that seemed to be getting worse with every mile. She shook her head, signaling him that she would not attempt to get back into the city tonight. He approvingly nodded his head, picked up the bags and walked towards the front door. She got out of the car and followed Peter towards the house slowly, making sure not to slip on the icy surface.

She stepped into the dark hallway, closing the door behind her and automatically reaching for the light switch, but nothing happened. "We lost power." Peter's voice came from further down the hallway. After a few seconds, her eyes had adapted to the dark room and she could see that he was looking for something in the wall closet. Finally, he closed the door again and a bright white light illuminated a part of the room. He had found a flashlight. He walked towards her, handing her a second one. Before she could switch it on Peter held his flashlight beneath his face. "Are you afraid? Boo!" he whispered to her in a wicked voice. "Peter! Stop it!" she shrieked and slapped him on his arm. Peter lowered the flashlight and chuckled. "Sorry! I couldn't resist!" He turned away and walked towards the living room. "I'll light up the fireplace, maybe you can see if you find some candles." Alicia switched on her flashlight and went into the kitchen towards the drawer she used to store the candles, but when she opened it, she just found silverware, sparkling in the beam of light. She shut the drawer again and looked around. It seemed to be the same kitchen as "before". That's how she mentally referred to the time before the scandal about her husband's infidelity.

This was not her kitchen anymore and suddenly she felt like a stranger who had somehow ended up in the wrong house. She looked outside the window hoping the storm had eased up, but with a heavy sigh she recognized that in the few minutes since they had left the car, it had gotten worse. She was barely able to see the street through the thick white wall of snow that was falling down. She knew that Peter was right. It would be dangerous and insane to drive to her apartment, but right now she would rather risk being out on the icy streets than staying here overnight and maybe even the following day. She glanced again at the dark cloudy sky that incessantly released thick flakes onto the ground. If it kept falling at this rate, they could be stuck here for days. The thought of that made her uncomfortable.

She would not be able to avoid talking about their situation to Peter, something she'd managed to do well over the past weeks. Although they saw a lot more of each other recently, their tête-à-tête in the campaign bus had been only the start to a series of more or less regular meetings in private. She had been very clear to Peter that no one could find out about their "affair". It was enough that Eli had seen her leaving the bus back then. She could not risk anyone else finding out or give Eli the impression that something more was going on. So she had been here rather often in the last weeks as her apartment was off limits because of the kids. However, she had always made sure never to spend the night here although she sensed that Peter wanted her to. And despite the fact that she had found it harder the last few times to leave him afterwards, she forbade herself to give into her feelings. She knew that Peter wanted to talk about where their newfound intimacy was leading them, but she could not yet bring herself to make any commitments to him. She was happy with the situation as it was right now and refused to think of the future. Therefore, she had made it a habit to get out of the house rather quickly after they had slept together. She felt the same urge right now.

She had been a little relieved that Peter was too concentrated on driving earlier for them to have a real conversation. So the drive had been rather silent on their part, the radio with the frequent weather warnings providing the only sound in the car.

"Did you find the candles?" Peter's voice jerked her out of her thoughts for the second time since they got here. "No." She turned around and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know where you keep them. They aren't where I used to store them." She let the beam of the flashlight rest on the drawer she had opened earlier. Peter walked over to the pantry door and opened it. "No, I keep them here." He reached inside and produced two packs of candles, a lighter and a box of matches. "Can you light some of them in the living room and maybe also some in the hallway? I am not sure how long those flashlights will last and I don't think I have any more batteries in the house." He handed her the candles and the other things. She switched the flash light on again and started to find her way through the kitchen. "Alicia?" She turned towards him again. "Are you ok?" She was glad he could not really see her face in the darkness, as he held the beam of his flashlight towards the ground in order not to blind her.

"Yeah." She paused, thinking about if she should tell him that she wanted to try and drive home. She cleared her throat."Maybe I should try and get home somehow tonight. I worry about the kids a little."Peter let out a sigh. "You cannot be serious, Alicia. Look outside. It's gotten worse since we came here. There are at least 10 inches of snow on the ground, not to mention that your car is covered in even more snow and ice." He walked towards her. She could see the worry and care in his eyes."I won't allow you to go out there and drive the 30 miles to your apartment." She could tell by his tone that he was serious. She looked up to him shrugging apologetically.

"It was just an idea. You're right. I was stupid. Of course I'll stay." She turned to finally get to the living room as his voice stopped her again. "I will have to go out to the garage and get more wood. That what's left in here will not last through the night." He walked towards the door, handing her his cell phone in passing. He had just remembered that hers had died last night and she had forgotten to bring her charger. "Why don't you call the kids while I'm out and make sure they are ok and your brother is taking good care of them." He smiled at her. "Don't you want to talk to them, too?" Alicia called after him, while he was already opening the front door. "Tell them I said Hi and keep it short, I only have one bar left on the battery and God knows when the power will come back on."

Alicia dialed her home number and after some rings the sleepy voice of her brother greeted her with a "Hello?"

"Hi, Owen. It's me. Are you and the kids ok? Do you have power?"

"Hi, sis. What time is it? I've already been asleep." He paused and Alicia checked her watch. It was past midnight. "Sorry, Owen. I did not check the time. We just came back from Rockford and I wanted to make sure you were ok. And I assume you have power as the phone is working." She could picture her brother laying on her couch in the living room. Although she had a guest room, Owen mostly fell asleep on the couch in front of the TV when he spent the night at her place.

"You drove home in this storm?" She could tell from his voice that he was fully awake now. "Where are you? Are you stuck somewhere? And from whose phone are you calling?"

"It was a bad idea, but we made it in one piece. I am at Peters now. And I will spend the night here." She heard him let out a sigh of relief and quickly filled him in on how the drive had been and that they had no power.

"Are the kids asleep, yet?" she finally asked. "Yes, they went to bed over an hour ago. Do you want me to wake them?" "No. Just tell them I'll be home as soon as possible and that they should not worry. I will call again in the morning. And also tell them their Dad said Hi." Owen let out a snort. "You will be ok, sis?"

"Yes, of course! Gotta go now or this cell will die on me, too. Good night, Owen."

She ended the conversation before her brother could say anything more. The last thing she needed right now was a discussion about Peter with her brother. She knew that Owen thought she should have divorced Peter long ago. Although he looked after the kids when she was on the campaign trail on weekends he did not at all approve that she helped Peter. She chuckled as she imagined Owens face if he ever learned how close, at least sexually, her relationship to Peter had become again in the last weeks. She had been close to telling him a few times, but decided against it every time. She loved her brother but he would probably tell their mother and she still had not gotten over the drama at Thanksgiving. However she had to admit that her mother's remark about all that mattered was happiness had been what started things up again with Peter. Maybe she should be thankful to her mother for that.

She placed the cell phone on the kitchen counter, picked up the candles and made her way to the living room. The fire had already made it more comfortable in there and Peter had shut all the doors leading into the room so the warmth would stay in there. She lit a few candles and put them up in the living room area and also took some and set them up in the hallway and kitchen.

While the temperature in the living room got cozy the other rooms got colder by the minute. Alicia wondered what took Peter so long to get more wood. She looked worried outside and decided to wait a few more minutes before she would look for him. She got the matches out of her coat pocket and went to the stove to try and get the gas burner working. At her second try it worked. She found the kettle and went to the sink to fill it with water. She had to go through several cupboards to find teabags and a pot. Once again she felt a little awkward.

She was just pouring the hot liquid into the pot when she heard the front door being opened. She walked into the hallway and saw Peter coming in, carrying a big basket full of firewood. "Finally, I was about to sent a search party after you. What took you so long?" she walked towards him and helped to carry the basket into the living room. "There was not much chopped wood left in the garage either. So I had to chop some first. Sorry it took so long." Peter fell into the nearest chair. He looked exhausted.

Alicia retrieved the tea, which they drank in silence, both too tired to talk. It had been a long day.

"I'll pull out the couch, so you can sleep in here. I'll go upstairs." Peter stood up from the chair, placing his cup on the sideboard.

"Don't be stupid, Peter. The couch is big enough for the both of us. You can't sleep in another room. They are way too cold. It's ok, if you stay here." She smiled at him. His gaze was fixed on a point behind her. "I just figured you weren't eager to spend the night with me in the same room…" he left the sentence unfinished and sighed.

Alicia closed her eyes for a second, took a deep breath and prepared herself for the discussion which would follow. She knew they needed to talk and that she somehow owed Peter an explanation, but she had hoped they could avoid it tonight. When she opened her eyes again Peter was still standing in the same spot, but looking directly at her now.

"Peter…" she started, taking another deep breath.

"Don't…" he stopped her before she could say another word. "It's ok. I'm too tired to fight with you now. So I'll accept your offer to sleep here. Thank you." A sad smile played on his lips when he turned towards the door. "I'll go upstairs and change. You want me to bring you some fresh clothes to sleep in?" he looked over his shoulder at her, the door knob already in his hand. She just nodded and smiled at him.

She went outside to her bag and got her toiletries out of it and went to wash her face and teeth in the small bathroom downstairs. When she returned, the couch had been pulled out and several pillows and blankets were placed upon it. She smiled when she found a shirt, some sweatpants and a pair of socks on one of the armchairs.

She changed and got under the blanket when she heard Peter come back into the room. He blew the candles out and stopped at the fireplace to put another log of wood into the fire, before also lying down on the couch.

"Good night." He turned away from her, trying to give her as much space as possible.

Alicia lay on her back for a couple of minutes staring at the ceiling and the shadows that were cast there by the flames. She felt that Peter was still awake as well. Finally she sat up and leaned herself towards him, planting a kiss on his cheek. "Good night, Peter. Thank you!" she laid back and closed her eyes.

A few moments later she felt Peter turning and placing his hand on top of hers that was lying in between them. She interlaced her fingers with his and gave his hand a light squeeze. A few moments later they had both fallen asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much for your amazing reviews :)

So, here we go again with the second chapter. I really hope you like it as much as the first :)

This is to all my fellow A/P shippers out there. You know who you are, ladies ;)

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When Peter woke up he found Alicia's face snuggled up to his chest and one of her arms resting on his stomach. He had to smile while looking down on her relaxed face. He couldn't resist and placed a light kiss on top of her head while he put his arm around her and pulled her a little closer. He sighed deeply and kicked himself mentally for the millionth time that he had been so stupid to look at or even think about another woman, let alone sleep with a hooker. But he had done just that. And lost the most important person in his life. His wife. He knew now that he had taken her for granted, thought she would always be by his side no matter what. How wrong he had been. He still couldn't explain why he had risked to lose everything; not even to himself. The legal term "temporary insanity" crossed his mind. But that was too easy. He had always hated it when this was brought up as the defense for someone obviously guilty. And he was guilty. No doubt about that. He had betrayed and lied to the people who trusted him the most. His family.

He couldn't even remember making the conscious decision to do so. It had just happened and before he knew it, the situation was beyond his control. He knew that was a weak excuse or rather no excuse at all. Even after all this time he still didn't know why. He had lived the life he had always dreamed about. His career was going well, he had a loving wife and two great kids. He had gambled with their happiness for the quick thrill of a secret adventure. He was still grateful that Alicia hadn't taken the kids and divorced him immediately. However he never fully understood why she stayed with him. And he never really dared to ask her. He had thought he would be served with the divorce papers the day after she had thrown him out of the apartment, after learning about his second infidelity. Sleeping with Kalinda. That had hurt her even more than the fact that he had slept with a prostitute. He had been sure he had lost her for good back then.

But she was still here right by his side, helping him reach his next goal, becoming Governor of Illinois. An endeavor he wouldn't have ventured on without her support. And although she encouraged him to run he'd drop out of the race in a heartbeat if she would change her mind. He'd do anything to keep her happy. That's why he had been silent for the last couple of weeks and kept his thoughts about their relationship to himself. He wasn't even sure if it could be called a real relationship. Aside from talking about the kids, his campaign and sometimes her work they didn't really share anything; except sex. He certainly didn't complain about that and as exciting as it felt, it wasn't enough.

Not anymore. He had gotten back everything he had lost through the scandal, his job, the respect of his children, he even lived in his old house again. But all of that didn't really matter to him without his wife. He would sacrifice all of that, except his kids, to have her back in his arms in a heartbeat. He planted another light kiss on her hair and smiled sadly. He missed holding her, so he really hoped she would stay asleep for a while longer. He hated that she never stayed after they'd slept together. It was almost as if she was running from something.

He closed his eyes and pulled her carefully closer to his body, not wanting to risk waking her. He just enjoyed feeling her close to him, trying to savor every second, because he knew it would be over too soon. He was just drifting off to sleep once more when a ringing noise startled him. At first he did not know where it came from, then he identified it as the home phone. He slowly and reluctantly freed himself out of Alicia's embrace, careful not to wake her up and walked into the hallway. The ringing stopped the second he reached for the handset. He realized that moment that for the phone to ring the power needed to be back on. He tried the hallway light switch and the lamp on the sideboard next to the cradle lit up. He also noticed that it was no longer cold in the room, so the heat had to be working for a while. He walked into the kitchen, looking up the Caller-ID. It was Alicia's home number. He hit dial while walking towards the kitchen window, switching on the radio on the counter in passing. He regulated the volume while he waited for someone to answer in Alicia's apartment. Finally Owen picked up.

"Hello!"

Peter rolled his eyes. He had hoped one of the kids would answer.

"Hi, Owen! This is Peter. You called?"

"Hi Peter! Yeah, Grace was trying to get a hold of you two. Everything ok?" Peter could hear that Owen was clearly uncomfortable.

"Yes, we are good. Power is back on. Is Grace there?" he had no desire himself to prolong the chat with his brother-in-law.

"Yes, I'll get her." Peter heard the phone being put down and Owen calling out Grace's name. The next second the phone went dead and the radio behind him stopped playing. The power was gone again.

"Damn!" he had reached for his cell phone that still lay on the counter where Alicia had left it last night. It was dead as well.

"Good morning to you, too." Alicia's voice surprised him and he nearly let both phones fall to the floor. He turned and saw her standing in the doorway.

He couldn't help but smile at her. The clothes he had brought her to wear belonged to him and were way too big for her. The shirt's hem was nearly reaching her knees, the sleeves ended around her elbows and she would fit into the pants twice.

She looked adorable and he had to force himself to stay where he was and not go over to her, sweep her off her feet and carry her back to the couch to make love to her. He let out a small sigh. That's what he was longing for the most since they started sleeping together again. To make love to her an entire night. Not just those rushed encounters that left him feeling emptier each time.

"Good morning, Babe. Did you sleep alright?" he turned and put the phones back on the counter.

"Yes, great! Better then I've slept in weeks." she walked over and leaned next to him on the counter.

Peter couldn't help but smirk at her answer.

"The power is out again. It was on earlier. The kids called, but I did not get to the phone in time. I called them back, but only talked to Owen. He was about to put Grace on, when the power went away. But Owen sounded ok."

"Great, I'll call them later from your cell." she smiled at him and looked out of the window. He followed her gaze and saw that it had snowed quite a bit during the night. Both cars were heavily covered in snow and there were still flakes coming down from the cloudy, gray sky.

"The battery died during the night. Sorry."

She shrugged her shoulders and turned towards the sink. He was not sure if she meant the view outside the window or what he had just said.

"Looks like we will be stuck here for a while. I'll make tea. Can you get the fire going again?"

He just nodded and left the kitchen.

The day went by uneventful. The power came back on and went out again.

Around noon it stopped snowing and they learned from the weather channel that the worst was over.

In the late afternoon, when the power had been gone again for close to two hours Peter decided to go out into the garage again to chop some more wood as the stack he had chopped the previous night was almost gone.

Alicia just looked up from her book and nodded when he told her.

She had spent most of the day cuddled up on the couch reading. He knew that she really hid behind the book in order not to talk to him. Peter sensed that she knew that he wanted to talk and he was too anxious to press her into doing so.

He didn't want to risk losing what he had. He was not content with it but he was also not ready to not have her at all. He was angry at himself for being such a coward but he didn't see any other possibility. He had pressured her too much in the past and he would not do that again. He would wait until she was ready and accept that she called all the shots this time.

He was glad to get out of the house and do something. So he spent quite some time in the garage. He enjoyed the physical exercise. It helped to ease some of the tension that he felt.

It had gotten dark by the time he went back into the house.

Alicia was still sitting on the couch reading when he entered the living room.

"I hope this will last some time!" he put the basket down next to the fireplace.

Alicia put her book down and looked at him.

"You've been gone quite a while. The power was on again a while back. I called the kids again. They say Hi!"

Peter sat down on the armrest of the couch a small smile on his face.

"And I also called Will to tell him I won't make it to work tomorrow." she said matter-of-factly.

"Don't tell me he said Hi, too!" the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He looked at Alicia, trying to read from her expression what she was thinking. She just stared at him.

"I thought we were past that. You being jealous of Will." her gaze now resting on the book that she still held in her hands.

"How can we be past it? We never talked about this. If it hadn't been for your testimony in Will's indictment I still wouldn't know that I was right being jealous of him." he heard her gasp at his words.

"Don't pretend you didn't suspect that I read it. It might be sealed to the public but I have access to it and when I heard Wendy subpoenaed you I needed to read it." his voice had gotten louder now.

"Why didn't you say something?" she was looking at him now. It surprised him to see a hint of shock in her eyes.

"When and how should I have said something? When I picked up the kids? On the hallway in the courthouse? When in the last year did you really give me a chance to talk about anything beside the kids, the house, my mother or the campaign?" he stood up from the armrest and walked over to the other side of the room. He shook his head and sighed. Her gaze had followed him, but she was not directly looking at him, fixing a spot on the wall.

"Peter, I don't know what to say." her eyes were back on the book in her lap.

"That's the problem, Alicia. You don't seem to have anything to say to me. At least nothing that would matter to me, to us. Is there still an us? I mean in the real sense of two people in a marriage." he was really angry now. He saw that she was opening her mouth a few times to say something. But he couldn't stop to let her speak. He sighed deeply before he continued.

"I thought when we agreed to tell the press we were mending fences in our marriage, we would really start to do so and not just pretend. And at first I was under the impression we were. We got along better and I thought you finally enjoyed being in my presence again. Can you imagine how happy I felt?" a small smile crossed his face when he thought back on the first few trips on the campaign bus. It had been fun to have her by his side, joking and teasing Eli. But he felt that they were also getting comfortable in each other's silence again.

"But I did not dare to pressure you. I was patient, hoping you would come to me and talk about how we should go on. But nothing. Instead of talking we started having sex. Or rather you started it!"

"I don't recall you complaining about that!" Alicia interrupted him. She looked at him angrily, throwing the book onto the couch.

"No, I did not." he went on quickly. "Maybe I should have. But when the woman you love wants to sleep with you again after over two years, you don't. I liked it, I still do, but again I hoped you would come around and we could actually work on our relationship. But you didn't. It still is just sex. And it is no longer enough for me. I don't only want your body, Alicia. I want everything else, too. I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up with you in my arms, just like I did this morning."

He looked at her and she closed her eyes for a few seconds, drawing a deep breath.

"I want to laugh with you, listen to your problems, be there for you. I want my wife back." he was looking directly at her right now.

"I love you, Alicia. And I think you still love me, too. If you didn't you would have divorced me long ago."

"Peter, I had no idea you felt that way..." she did not go on when she saw him shake his head.

"No, you didn't know. You want to know how I feel right now?" he saw her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"I feel like as if I have replaced Will Gardner in your bed, because it is less risky to fuck your husband than him." his voice had been barely a whisper, but she had heard every word. Her face was motionless apart from a tear that finally found its way down her cheek.

He watched her get up from the couch and slowly walk towards the door.

The moment it fell shut behind her he collapsed onto the spot she had been sitting in. He could still feel the warmth from her body on it.

He stared at the door not believing what just had happened. What he had told her. His mind was empty except for one thought.

_I lost her._

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This was a though one for me, cause I really hate them fighting :( Your thoughts and reviews are always appreciated :)_  
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	3. Chapter 3

So, the final chapter is done.

Thanks go to Steffi for her patience ;)

Reviews are always welcome :)

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Alicia didn't hear that the living room door fell shut behind her. All she heard was her heart thundering in her ears. Her first impulse was to run, get out of this house as fast as possible. She grabbed her purse from the coat rack and opened the front door when she realized there was no escape. She slammed the door shut again, let her bag fall to the floor, before sliding down to it herself, her back pressed against the door.

She sat there a couple of seconds trying to collect her thoughts, when she heard a noise. She looked up and saw Peter standing in the doorway. She couldn't see his features just his silhouette before the dim light cast from the flames in the fireplace and a few candles.

"I heard the door and had to make sure you were still here. I couldn't bear the thought..." he didn't finish when he saw her getting up and walking towards the stairs.

Alicia was glad that he turned and went back to the living room. She couldn't stand to have him say anymore. She went up the stairs and before she even realized it found herself in Peter's bedroom. She leaned against the door and took a deep sigh. She felt exhausted, hurt and angry, but mostly sad.

She walked over to the window and rested her forehead against the cold glass. It helped to calm her down. Her mind was racing and Peters words were still ringing in her ears.

She just stood like this for a few minutes until the tears, that were running down her face since she had left the living room, had dried.

She detached herself from the window and sat down on an armchair that stood next to the bed. She sighed deeply while replaying the argument in her head. However it had not really been an argument as Peter had done most of the talking and she had only been sitting there not knowing what to say. And now there was only one question circling in her mind.

_Was he right?_

She didn't know how long she had sat there thinking when she finally stood from the chair and made her way downstairs again. It probably had been hours.

She stopped in front of the living room door exhaling heavily and turning the knob slowly.

Peter was sitting on the couch his back to the door apparently staring into the flames.

He seemed lost in his thoughts and not hearing her when she entered the room and walked up behind him.

He gasped in surprise when she put her hand on his shoulder and turned around to look at her.

"Alicia!" his eyes looked tired and sad. "I am sorry for what I said to you. I had no right..." he stopped when she shook her head softly.

"I think you said enough for tonight, Peter. It's my turn now." she walked around the couch and sat down next to him.

"I have thought about what you said." she hesitated for a second not sure how to go on.

"You were right. I did suspect you to have read my testimony and so you know that nothing happened while we still lived together." she looked at him but his gaze was back at watching the dying flames in the fireplace.

"And that I ended it long before we started sleeping together again." she saw him nod, but he still kept his glance away from her.

"It is true that I did not give you a chance to talk about anything personal, anything that might help our relationship. I wasn't ready to admit the affair to your face. But now I have to, because I do not think we can go on without talking." she saw him nod again and exhaling deeply, as if he had held his breath while she'd been talking.

"You have to understand that I did not sleep with Will to get back at you. It helped me heal, Peter. Do you have any idea how small I felt after learning you went to a hooker?" she did not wait for a reaction from Peter before she continued.

"How humiliating it felt to be looked at by strangers, being pitied for something I had no control over?" she felt how the tears welled up in her eyes. Sighing deeply she continued.

"I thought I could never forgive you for putting me through this. As if being the scorned wife was not enough. Everybody knew that I had obviously not been enough for you. You have no idea how much that hurt, Peter." she glanced towards him. He turned his face towards her for the first time since she had started talking. She closed her eyes and shook her head lightly when he opened his mouth to say something.

"I know what you want to say. You are sorry, Peter. I know that and you have said so a thousands times." she looked him directly in the eyes and saw a mixture of regret and sadness in them. "And I believe you."

"Thank you!" a small smile lit up Peters face. He turned to her reaching out to draw her into an embrace but another soft shake of her head stopped him immediately. He looked at her confused.

"I am not done, yet!" she gave him a slight smile and he leaned back against the couch cushions again.

"The affair with Will helped me to get where I am today. I felt desirable again." Peter sighed quietly at the mention of Will's name. She placed her hand on his arm.

"You need to hear this, Peter." she still smiled at him and could feel him relax under her touch.

"It felt great and so forbidden because he is my boss. But it helped me get the idea what going to Amber must have felt for you. I understand the thrill of doing something dangerous now." she took a deep breath.

"This does not make us even, Peter. It just helped me to forgive you. I did not realize this until tonight. What you said earlier hurt me, but not because I thought you had no right to say those things, but it hurt me that you hadn't told me before you were not comfortable with our situation. I admit I have been selfish here. I sensed that you wanted more from me, but being honest, it scared the hell out of me to make any sort of commitment to you. It still does, Peter! I thought I was save when I just allowed the sex to come back between us. But I could not save me from my own feelings.

I ignored it as long as possible but your little speech earlier forced me to come clean with myself. It has been harder for me to leave you after we slept together the last few times. The thought of staying cuddled up in your arms crossed my mind more than once, but the fear of what it would mean drove me away every time." she felt the tears well up again; one escaped and crept down her cheek. Peter lifted his arm and gently swept it away with his thumb. She closed her eyes and leaned a little into his touch. He slowly removed his hand from her face and rested it on the couch between them.

"I once told you to say something that would make me fall back in love with you again. You never did." the small smile that had been visible on his face faded.

"You didn't have to 'cause I never really stopped loving you. And you have been right about that being the actual reason not to divorce you." she placed her hand on top of his.

"I never would've admitted it to you and after we separated I even convinced myself that you were only the father of my children anymore. But it was a lie that I had told myself." she let herself fall backwards into the cushions now, realizing that she had sat on the edge of the couch for the entire time. She looked over to Peter. He just watched her, a slight smile surfacing on his lips again.

"So, you've been right about everything you said earlier, except one thing, Peter." she could see the confusion in his eyes before she went on.

"You did not replace Will in my bed or my life, because he was never able to replace you." she closed the distance between them still holding his hand in hers.

"Alicia, wow..!" he took a deep breath and looked at her in disbelief.

"When you went out that door earlier I was sure I had lost you. And now to hear this. I,...I don't know what to say." he shook his head slightly.

"Do you really mean it? You have forgiven me and you still love me?" his eyes searched her face for a confirmation. She just smiled at him and nodded her head.

This seemed to be all he needed to pull her into his arms.

"Thank you, Alicia. You have no idea how much this means to me." he whispered to her in between planting light kisses on her hair.

"But how do we go on from here?" he loosened his embrace so he could look at her face again. "You said you were still to scared to make any commitments."

Alicia leaned back but stayed close to him so one of his arms was still lying around her shoulders.

"I am, Peter. And it does not mean I will move in with you again immediately. We still have a lot of talking to do. But I can promise you that I want to make this work. And I also know that we can't guarantee each other that it will, but I believe there is enough reason to at least try." she looked up at him and saw him nod and smile at her.

"What do we tell the kids?" he pulled her closer to his body smiling content that he could finally do so.

"What we just told each other. That we try to make our marriage work again and that we will spent more time with each other and them." she searched for his other hand and interlaced her fingers with his. He gave her hand a light squeeze, assuring her he was alright with what she just had said.

She lifted her head towards him and he bend down so their lips could meet as if to seal the promise they had just given each other.

Only time would tell if they were able to keep it.


End file.
